I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize