you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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