The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
