Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
