Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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