it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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