Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
We need to rekindle our bromance
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
MIDGETS
????
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
