As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
