between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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