boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
