there's paper in my vomit.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
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