thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
