Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
