he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
