pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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