did you get engaged???
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
