shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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