She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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