Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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