But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
