Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Alive.
So much puke
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
