I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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