He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
