Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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