I like my sex mixed with concussions.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
