WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
