I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
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