my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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