so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
