do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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