u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
