We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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