I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
