And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
