You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
