Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
MIDGETS
????
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
