Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
