I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Randomize
