apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
