I just made out with a guy for $7.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
