he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
