My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
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