the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize