hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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