Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
