I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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