My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
