At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Randomize
