okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize
