I wish my penis had an off switch
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
