You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
