you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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