O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
