Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
