so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize