if i died would you start the facebook group?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
