So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
