There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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