It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
