well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
