I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
