I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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