woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
