Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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