so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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