So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
